I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
