Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
