I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
