tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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