we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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