Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
