it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you will always have a special place in my vag
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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