Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
