I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
