Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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