Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
