a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
