Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
