How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
