I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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