People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
