What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
