i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
