I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
