The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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