You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
