i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
