final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
