I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
