the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
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Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
