Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
