The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
