I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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