Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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