I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had to cum in my sink.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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