I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
