Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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