I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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