I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
