3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Shame is for Republicans.
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