I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
