Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
