I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Couch. On fire.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
