It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
