Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What drink are we having for lunch?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Floor bacon is actually really good
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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