I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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