That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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