Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
