can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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