took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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