I hate your face
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
