Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
