she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
