It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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