He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
